Hard to stay.....part 2

In continuing the question to, ‘why it’s hard to stay’, the thought that comes to mind is being single in the church. As a woman who is reaching her mid twenties, there is a general belief and widespread thinking within the church that, I should be married by now like many of my friends and having children. I feel like an outsider and I’m tired of the line “oh you’ll get married”, when there is no proof that such a thing will happen. The Family Proclamation to the World states, ‘that the family is ordained of God and that it is the goal of Heavenly Father’. I ask the question, ‘why?’. What does that mean for those of us who aren’t married and don’t have children? Or for those who can’t have children?

In a church where this is the dominant paradigm for women, ‘how do we be single and yet also be involved?’. As a women it is a big ask to require one to marry inside the church and to wait for their ‘eternal companion’, (I hate that term). It is well known that the church population is by majority, women. From the outset, not everyone will be able to marry within the church.

Continuing on with being single there is this idea that as a person or a group we are inferior.  As YSA it is drilled into us that you need to prepare for marriage. Eternal marriage classes are taught in institute and this should be our ultimate goal. I can’t help but say forget about it. I’ve learned that if something is going to happen it will happen. It’s not fair that we have to sit and listen to a married couple (who are sometimes younger than you) tell us about the importance of marriage and how you need to fulfill this commandment.

This leads into another issue around marriage and that is same sex marriage. I’m all for it. We should have the right to choose who we love and how we love. The church has such a strong emphasis on marriage and tries to control it, I feel sickened by this control. In around 2008 the church endorsed and encouraged members, especially in California to publically voice their opinions and opposition to same sex-marriage in connection to ‘Proposition 8’. This story seemed huge and I feel is still an issue today particularly as the church supposedly stays away from political issues. Members were picketing on their front lawns; they were giving money to the campaign. People’s recommends were taken off them if they didn’t participate and some were banned from speaking in church, praying or teaching. As a result the church has gained a rather negative reputation, especially in California.

I seriously don’t see the issue with same sex marriage and I don’t see the issue with being single. I feel as if I’m a plague and I must be cured. I have no voice as a single woman, I am told what to do by married people, and the callings above mine are for married people. Just the title in itself, ‘Young Single Adult’, points directly at my singleness, which needs to be relinquished.

Moving back to same sex marriage, ‘The Family Proclamation to the World’, talks about gender stating: ‘Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose’.  If we look at the various definitions of gender we can learn that gender is actually a social construction, i.e. roles and attributes given to us as we grow up. What constitutes ‘gender’, is cultural, not an absolute fact. Gender is made up of codes and is thought of as something we perform, rather than something we are. This is an important point in conjunction with same sex marriage and the, ‘Family Proclamation to the World’. So the church states that same sex marriage is not of God. But in terms of men and women they do not talk about biological sex, but rather gender identity, which could be gay, lesbian, heterosexual, bi, etc. If the gender we identify with is an essential characteristic and if marriage is essential then shouldn’t marriage in any form be of God. No matter whom you marry you are fulfilling your essential individual characteristic.