Hard to stay, Harder to leave part 1

This past week I listened to an interesting podcast that addressed the issue of "hard to stay, harder to leave." For me this is a profound statement/question. Such a statement raises many things for me but in this moment I wish to focus on the treatment of women within the church (please forgive the coming disjointedness).

The ordained women's movement within the church is no secret and in the last year or so has in fact received a lot of public light. I feel that the key element within this movement is male female equality, which I definitely think needs a fundamental change from our current situation, culturally and doctrinally.

At this moment I am currently listening to an interview with Kate Kelly in which she talks about her early experience in the church as a working women. Within the church being a working women isn't encouraged in some cases. Kelly specifically speaks about a paper she wrote while studying at BYU in which she had to pick a church topic and research it. She chose to write about women working outside of the home and through her research she was told that women are not to work outside of the home. She learned that a women's place is in the home as mothers, to nurture their children and take care of the home.  In addition to this she stated that information to do with working women is mainly focused on balancing working life with family life. The idea that part time work should be the only option, that your children and home are always your first priority as men are the working ones. This idea is backed up by the Young Women's manual, which I grew up with stating "mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of the the children." The young women's theme states that women's roles are to nurture home and family.
I greatly feel that the way women are spoken of and introduced in the church is that they are second to men. This is even illustrated in The Bible where it says that "Eve will be a helpmeet to Adam." Yet Eve was made out of one of Adams ribs (supposedly). In addition to this we are created out of the image of God. For me if we are made out of the image of God and men then are we not  equal to them and should we not be treated as equal to them.
In Mormon ideas the transgression that took place in the garden of eden was a positive turn that gave all of use the ability  to experience mortal life and thus eternal life. Eve was the initiator of this as she partook of the fruit and consequently Adam did as well. In church videos I have seen the great knowledge that Eve had to know in order to experience and understand the importance of her decision. In many places women are damned because of this one act and yet the freedom to choose is a powerful and freeing act.
Another female element within the church is the lessons we teach young women, at least from when I was in young women's. As I remember it I was taught that women's bodies were dangerous and that we need to strictly adhere to modesty as we are responsible for keeping men chaste and pure. I think this is absurd and dangerous. How can we teach young women that their bodies are dangerous while at the same time that our bodies are of God, beautiful and pure. Obviously in this light we need to  relieve young women of such a huge responsibility.
We spend so much time on modesty and how we need to make sure that young women are dressing appropriately, but sometimes this goes to far. The simple fact that young women and youth are even present at activities and church is far more important that how they dress. Growing up and being in youth I have been around and experienced extreme dress restrictions, young women who have organized events and been turned away when they have showed up for wearing jeans. The humiliating process of requiring young women to kneel down to make sure that their dresses/skirts touch the floor. Again who cares, they are present at

an event. They could be out at a party drinking do drugs, but no they are at the youth dance, which in all honesty are usually under populated and badly D.Jed.
I could go on and on and on about how women are treated in the church, but I think the point I'm trying to get at in connection to "Hard to stay, harder to leave" is that the way I am treated as a women in the church makes it hard for me to stay, in addition to many other problems I have. As a women I am part of the majority of the church and yet I am responsible for almost nothing, except my body and how I present it to others, especially men.
In connection with OW, over this past year, I have been rather sick, on and off and had quite a few personal problems. In all cases I've had to call on male friends to receive blessings. These men have families and commitments in their lives. So in a more practical light men being the only ones having the priesthood is genuinely inconvenient. But I also see it as unfair and a simple cry for equality in that regard is profound and needs to be heard, left, right and centre.

To be continued...

FAITH, BELIEF, KNOWLEDGE, TRUTH

One of the great things I experience about communities, church and society in general is that people that I would otherwise not know or spend time with constantly surround me. Such an idea illustrates the profound diversity within the world, no matter where you come from. One of the things I love about yoga philosophy is the belief that the same life energy (phrana) runs through everyone, but it is our experience and our true essence that sets us apart from the next person.

With this in mind I want to point at an issue that I struggle with in my own life experience. The LDS church is said but its leaders and some members to be the only true church, the restored church. I feel that this is a risky statement, because it is exclusive and establishes the idea that everything else is wrong.

One of the LDS leaders, Gordon B. Hinckley said: “We recognize the good in all people. We recognize the good in all churches, in their effort to improve mankind and to principles that lead to good, stable, productive living. To people everywhere we simply say, you bring with you all the good you have, and let us add to it. That is the principle on which we work.”

The power of words in the world is great and how we use them can greatly alter how things are interpreted and treated. Hinckley, I feel had a way with words that was soft and loving and we need to replicate that.

When people say, “I know this church is true” what does that even mean? Just as I have mentioned in connection to yoga, our experience of life is different from others and thus our truth is also different.

The scriptures are a great example of diversity in experience and truth. They are written by human beings just like us and thus experience things differently from their counterparts. God works with the person, much like meditation and yoga is built around the person and how they work. For me the scriptures are written subjectively from one person’s experience, which explains the diversity and perhaps seeming contradictions that one can encounter. God and Christ are spoken of as good, loving, caring and kind while being judges, enforcing justice and they are even said to send plagues and hardship to those who sin, (a concept I struggle with). These references are written from someone’s own understanding, experience and way of interpretation. Thus for them it is their truth, belief, knowledge and faith, but it does not mean it has to be everyone else’s.

As a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I experience, truth, knowledge, belief and faith in very different ways, even from my own family. As one finds truth, knowledge, belief and faith in this one church, I also find it outside of it. We are in a world that is full of belief no matter what it may be in or how diverse it is a belief non-the-less. I feel that the power to believe is a surrendering of oneself to something beyond or greater than them.

If the LDS church is the only true church, what does that mean for the God that is found in the Catholic Church, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Methodist, Reformed, even Buddhism and Islam etc. Brother David Steindl-Rast, a monk and inter faith scholar, talks about gratitude in a beautiful way, when he states “God is telling us he love us everyday, all we need to do is be grateful.” How amazing is it that we can see and find a God-like figure or being in everything, everywhere, everyday.

Such a profound diversity brings into picture the atonement (at-one-ment). Such atonement is found everywhere, the very fact that such diversity can exist together in one world, or even one religion is found everywhere, the very fact that such diversity can exist together in one world, or even one religion is the process of at one ment. We can find God and belief everywhere, the atonement is present in yoga, yoga means union with God, it brings unity and total integration. Buddhism is about becoming awakened about becoming part of the whole and united with the greater force. Islamic practices highlight a deep devotion to God, the trinity itself illustrates a sense of unity with Christ, God and the Holy Ghost.

My point is that the statement of the LDS church being the only true church is void because truth is relative and can be found everywhere around us. We need to pay attention to and make way for the mountain of truths that surround us everyday; we need a fundamental change in how we approach belief, truth, knowledge and faith.

Existential Crisis

Many have asked me in response to my blog, if I don't like the church and the way its run then why don't I just leave. A valid question and yet it points at another question of how leaving or giving up solves the problem?

For me its not just about my relationship with the church its about my own life, my own belief and understanding of life. I am in an existential crisis, commonly defined as a questioning of the meaning of life and more particularly my faith and entire belief system. Words like doubt, truth, meaning, understanding, why this, why that come to mind and are in fact part of my life everyday. I'm the kind of person that can't just live her life without answers, my entire degree is about research, why is art some ways and some not, why do I sing the way I do, why does poetry work the way it does. I have been lucky enough to be bought up in a home where questions were encouraged and free thinking was, well, free. I can't just sit on the side lines or simply give up, for me this is my experience of understanding, I have to know for myself and I have to understand for myself. Thats what life is about, is it not? Life is to learn, to understand and to find truth and experience it wholly and fully.

Rosemary M. Wixom in the latest LDS general conference gave a talk called "Returning to Faith" and spoke of a women, who like me asked questions, but eventually got to the point that some of her questions weren't answered and some answers didn't bring "peace." She began to lose her faith and came to a point of what I would call doubt. People would say to her lean on my faith and she responded I can't you don't have the same questions or doubts that I do. In much the same manner I cannot live my life or my faith through someone else's, I can't just believe because my parents told me to, or my friends do, or because a large population believes in it, I have to know for myself.

I'll admit that this is a scary process especially for me because many of the questions and doubts I have come from certain gospel beliefs and I'm terrified of my desires being wrong and having to confront the truth of things that to be honest drive me insane, (lol).  Wixom continued with her story of this women who stated that:" I did not leave the church to separate myself from the church because of bad behavior, spiritual apathy, looking for an excuse not to live the commandments, or searching for an easy out. I felt I needed the answer to the questions 'What do I really believe?" I feel like this is me in a nut shell.

Many talks in the latest general conference speak of, 'staying by the tree,' 'seeking the lord,' 'latter-day saints keep trying,' 'choose to believe' thus illustrating a need to not give up but to persevere and to keep trying.
Life is about experience about learning about knowledge and in Buddhist and Yogic terms, awakening and unifying. I have doubts and I have questions, not just simply on a church level but on a gospel level and there isn't a possibility of change and understanding within my community and belief system if I just give up. It is said that we must endure to the end, but Jeffery R. Holland states that life isn't meant to be a sea of darkness and torment, "is our purpose in life an empty existential exercise-simply to leap as high as we can, hang on for out prescribed three score years and ten, then fail and fall, and keep falling forever?" In his words "no."  Life is about experience its about change, learning and about getting to know yourself, getting to know who you are and what you are.
In my life at the moment its about unity finding that at one ment with the greater being, whether it be god, christ, the holy ghost, Brahman, Buddha, Allah, the trinity, aliens whatever it is thats out there, its about finding my faith in the very thing that brings such things to fruition, the atonement and the deep love that comes with it.

I have come to realise that even in the mormon church everyone believes differently, has different questions and even sins differently but it doesn't make anyone person right or wrong it just makes them different. One of the great beauties of this world is that we all experience life, the same life energy runs through everyone but it is our experience, our inner essence that makes us different making this world much more interesting and exciting.